I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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