So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
