PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
