She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
