Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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