sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
