i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
