At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
