I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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