Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
