The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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