This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize