I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize