I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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