Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
