the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize