Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
