My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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