I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
