you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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