i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
