he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize