I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
