mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
