Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Can i not drive my cunt home
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
