so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
