i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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