I wish I could teleport
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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