jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
