I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
