Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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