I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
