I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
