Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
