Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize