Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
