I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
