I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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