Nicole vs. Life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
