i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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