Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
