I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
40s are totally the cure
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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