I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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