i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
