where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
