i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize