fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
