No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
