Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize