Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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