dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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