If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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