Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
