I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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