You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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