i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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