I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
