I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
