Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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