I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
