Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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