who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
