Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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