Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
