Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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