who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
