Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
