I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
