What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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