Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
