Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
