Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
