I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
