You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
