he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize